December 2010
OK
Now that it’s 2011, I’m gonna get some sleep.
Goodnight.
HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING NEW YEAR, BITCHES!
THIS YEAR IS GONNA BE SO FETCH.
So Tired
but I must hold out for 15 more minutes to see the new year…
Also, Tumblr just had a mini-seizure and I was like “HOLY SHITBALLS, IT’S Y2K11, GUISE!!!!!” but then it stopped.
HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING NEW YEAR, BITCHES!
THIS YEAR IS GONNA BE SO FETCH.
My Poor Hearing
Friend: Yeah, I think she has Asperger's.
Me: Is that some sort of insult to her butt or something?
Friend: ._. What the actual fuck?
Me: I'm guessing you didn't say "ass-burgers"...
So I was on the airplane
and there were quite a few people waiting for the bathroom, all of whom eventually made it into a stall, leaving me to wait for one. Whoever was inside was taking their sweet-ass time, and I was just like “Holy crap, they must be having a baby in there or something.”
Then he walked out and I hurried in only to find jizz ALL IN THE FUCKING TOILET. THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU DO IN AN...
So I was on the airplane
and there were quite a few people waiting for the bathroom, all of whom eventually made it into a stall, leaving me to wait for one. Whoever was inside was taking their sweet-ass time, and I was just like “Holy crap, they must be having a baby in there or something.”
Then he walked out and I hurried in only to find jizz ALL IN THE FUCKING TOILET. THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU DO IN AN...
My Poor Hearing
Friend: Yeah, I think she has Asperger's.
Me: Is that some sort of insult to her butt or something?
Friend: ._. What the actual fuck?
Me: I'm guessing you didn't say "ass-burgers"...
So I'm Finally Back
After a cumulative 24 hours of flying time, a vomiting and pants-urinating brother, several crying babies, delays due to ice in Florida, 2 missed connections, an unexpected night in Hawaii, a lot of rank airline food, and the most rude-ass customer service representatives I have ever had the displeasure to meet, I have made it home for the new year.
1 1/2 HOURS TO 2011, BABY!
1 tag
4 tags
My Great-Grandmother:
GG: Could you be a dear and go get my purse out of the car?
Me: Sure.
GG: It's in the backseat. I just need my pads because every time I cough, I pee a little.
Me: WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?
1 tag
If you're willing to be with me, there's one thing...
achylliesthewarrior:
the-dynamo-of-volition:
dreamongood:
We’re going to have a real nice condo in NYC & Tokyo, right in the city.
We’ll travel back & forth whenever we want, & especially during the Holidays.
And we’re going to live next to a coffee shop, or a bookstore perhaps.
Simple & lovely.
This. Plain and simple.
You also better have a shitload of money, because...
If you're willing to be with me, there's one thing...
dreamongood:
We’re going to have a real nice condo in NYC & Tokyo, right in the city.
We’ll travel back & forth whenever we want, & especially during the Holidays.
And we’re going to live next to a coffee shop, or a bookstore perhaps.
Simple & lovely.
This. Plain and simple.
The flight attendant
and this lady are getting all yelly… I just wanna be like, “CALM YO TITS, GURL”
Sitting here in the airport
with a 2-hour delay at 4 in the morning. Stateside people are fucking rude.
There is some eye candy to help pass the time, though. ; P
1 tag
So in about 3 hours
I will be on yet another long-ass flight back home… 18+ hours on a plane is just inhumane. It should seriously be outlawed. But hopefully when I get back, I’ll get back into my routine and should post more often…
Getting That Perm in Tenth Grade
mybiggestregretever:
My biggest regret ever is getting that perm in tenth grade. I still don’t know what I was thinking. I had pubes on my head for like a year and a half.
[Female, 21]
OH GOD. HEAD PUBES.
1 tag
1 tag
Jingle Bells; Insanity Wolf version.
insertxstupidnamexhere:
Dashing through the snow
Get the fuck out my way!
Killing all these hoes
Laughing all the way!
HA HA HA!
The snow is turning red
I think these skanks are dead
Then I’ll go all necrophiliac on their ass
AND FUCK THEM IN THE HEAD
OH, fuck your mom, fuck your dad
And fuck your brother too!
Fuck your grandma
Fuck your grandpa
And fuck your cousin Drew!
HEY!
fallingunderneath-deactivated20 asked: Merry Christmas Caleb! XD
fallingunderneath-deactivated20 asked: Merry Christmas Caleb! XD
2 tags
Your favorite song comes on the radio.
you start freaking out like
then you start belting it out like
and everyone looks at you like
but you just keep belting it out like
then someone turns off the radio to make you stop singing
so you keep singing anyway
and then everyone looks at you like
but you just keep doing your thing
1 tag
Dressing As My Mum One Night
mybiggestregretever:
My biggest regret ever is dressing as my mum one night when my dad was extremely drunk. I let him touch me because I was jealous of their relationship. I hated my mum and wanted her dead. She died later that year. Now I can never tell her how I really felt, and what I did. Now I play her part at home.
[Female, 14]
THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE READ ALL WEEK.
...
Grandma: (to mom) You need to leave that poor child alone. If you don't, he'll turn gay!
Mom: What the hell are you talking about?
Grandma: I read things.
Me: (Why the fuck is my life so awkward?)
1 tag
So I Made It to the States
after the longest mothertruckin’ flight in the world. We almost didn’t make it on the plane because apparently we didn’t have seats or something, I don’t even know. But I almost puked and we were all scattered out around the plane and it was like 26 hours of flying and I was really pissed.
Merry fucking Christmas, everybody.
New Followers!
Someone please explain this joke for me? .. sigh.
dreamongood:
Are you Japanese?
Because I want to take Japanese off.
— I’ve said it a million times to myself & I still can’t make it out ):
OHHHHHHHHHHH. It took me like 5 minutes, but is it supposed to be like “ja-panties”? Idk, analyzing jokes makes them unfunny, but this one was unfunny to begin with.
Things I learned from reading my old Livejournal
achylliesthewarrior:
1. I am a horrible person.
2. No one should ever use the phrase “full on pissing my pants.” Ever.
3. I had a dangerous obsession with brunette men with neckbeards. And men with hairy chests. And legs. Just male body hair in general.
4. Clothes and food made me ridiculously happy.
5. I didn’t learn shit in the eleventh grade. Especially not in Math Analysis.
6. I used...
1 tag
achylliesthewarrior replied to your post: Leaving for the States Tomorrow
We live the same life, I swear.
Well it’s good to know I’m not the only one who has to deal with asinine relatives. Like seriously, they are so fucking racist sometimes. We went to Wal-mart in northern Virginia (which has a high Indian population), and my grandma just blurts out “It smells like goddamn...